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I’m excited to share some great news:

I’ve been invited to panel an innovative teleconference
on work life balance for the National Gay and Lesbian
Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC) on August 25, 2009!

For those of you who know me well, you know I’ve been a passionate supporter of the NGLCC since it was founded about six or seven years ago.  In a few short years, NGLCC has already established itself as an organization that advocates for the interests of all GLBT’s, and particularly the cross section between politics and the marketplace.

The NGLCC is headquartered where it needs to be – at the foot of Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C.  I’ve been to several of their events and continue to spread the word as best as I can about them through my many face-to-face, online and virtual connections.

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By Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach

No, that’s not a typo!  The title of today’s post is correct…

There’s a lesbian couple (living right here in Florida, no less) who are happily celebrating their 70th anniversary together!  Yes!  Their names are Caroline Leto and Venera Magazzu and they live in Dania Beach.

Isn’t that incredible?  On one hand, yes it is.  Any individual who survives all of the challenges of living (including surviving until one’s 90’s), is a rarity.  Add to that being a gay or lesbian couple both living into their nineties and staying together, well now, that’s surely extra rare.

These women lived their primes at a time when they must have felt tremendous pressure to remain silent with most about their true selves.  And, they did.  They couldn’t be out like gay and lesbian couples take for granted today.

On the other hand, why should we be surprised that a lesbian couple has achieved such a feat?  Even though we hear all of the stereotypes – that lesbian relationships don’t last, that it’s a bunch of drama when two women get together, etc., long term lesbian relationships DO exist.

Given the fact that many older lesbian couples like Caroline and Venera were so ‘hidden’, due to the fact they lived during a time in our country’s history when most gays weren’t out, I’m betting there’s got to be at least a few more couples like this one around the world.

As I read this fine story, I was reminded of that wonderful couples group – Gulf Coast Couples – that I saw marching in the St. Pete Pride parade a few weeks ago.  Be sure to check out their pictures of the march, right there on their home page.  There you will see what those of us there live saw – many gay and lesbian couples marching down the street, with signs in their hands showing how many years they’d been together.

Click here to read Caroline and Venera’s story.

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Just when I thought the banks were on board, just when I thought they had sped up the process, and like a switch turned off, the banks are now slower than ever…

The real estate market is a challenge to endure and the survivors only reap the profits. It is, however, not for the faint at heart; what with multiple offers, contract acceptance times running anywhere from one day to two months, appraisals not coming in at the right values, and the loan programs changing, almost daily. This is a market where only the well thought out plan will survive – survival of the fittest. There is no room for slow decision makers, or indecisiveness. If you want to be able to rake in the profits down the road you must be willing to act now, and yet you must also be prepared to be patient. To be sure, banks have been very slow in the process in general, but it can often benefit the buyer when they do finally respond. There is usually a long chain of command the contract must follow before it is signed off by at the bank. It doesn’t mean that it’s a good time to buy, but it is not necessarily a bad time either. Interest rates are low and the market is much, much more affordable than it was. But, the reality is, there are still a lot more short sales and foreclosures and the banks are not really making the effort to make the process any easier, which is why the market, for many, is so complicated to wade through. Now more than ever it is important to have a Realtor you can trust, one that has your best interests at heart. Visit Our Website: wesellazrealestate.com

As I write to you about this topic, I am reminded of the popular song from a James Bond movie, called ‘Nobody Does it Better’. When it comes to your love life, no one else will make sure you have a great one like you will.

That sentence was SO important I’ll say it again…

No one else will make sure you enjoy a great love life like you will.

You deserve the love life you want, and, health-wise, it is important you feel great about your love life as often as you can.

So where does a smart and sophisticated Sappho gal begin to ensure she is enjoying a great love life?

Sapphic gals who enjoy great love lives give themselves whatever support is needed to reach their goal. Each woman is different in how they focus on achieving the goal of a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship. But the common thread is the focus.

Recommendations for Lesbian Couples

Great relationships don’t ‘just happen’. I actually have known more than one lesbian who tells me their relationship is great but when I get to know their partner, there’s an obvious disparity in reported satisfaction levels.

For example, do you really know for sure your partner is deeply satisfied? Yes, it’s important to have a ‘lovin’ feeling about your love life, but, if you are in the dark (or in denial) about your partner’s feelings, that will probably come up to bite you at some point.

And, I know plenty of instances where couples report things going well and, a year later, they are having major troubles. Could this have been prevented? I don’t know, however, if you are both ‘tuned in’ to your relationship, you should be able to identify problems early enough on to do something to either prevent a problem from actually manifesting itself or, at least be able to deal with it when it’s small and hopefully easier to address.

One way to ensure you have a great love life is to build a relationship with an expert, so that you can call on him or her if a problem arises. Even better would be to have an ongoing relationship with a relationship expert who can get to know the two of you and really identify a problem, even when both of you miss it. How is that possible, you say? Well, actually, it’s quite common. Why does this happen? Love relationships are complex. Sometimes couples are ‘too close to’ their relationship to be able to spot emerging or potential problems.

Okay, Barb, you say. Of course you are going to recommend we see a coach because you’re a coach. Well, I would say that you can try other options too such as reading a great book (and, even better, getting one with some exercises in it and actually doing them or, if the book doesn’t have exercises, reading and discussing passages in the book). And, there may be some other support group options, say, at your church or community center. But be sure to verify the training and backgrounds of any helper.

What’s my beef with the above options? None really, other than the fact nothing replaces the ideas and support you can receive from live interaction with an expert. How often do you read a book and never actually ‘use’ any of the great suggestions it provides? My point exactly…

Lastly, just because you’ve been with your partner for many years, whether that’s 5, 10, 20 or even 30 years or more, that doesn’t protect you from having to tweak things a bit, to keep it great, from time to time. Sometimes when I meet lesbian women out and about at pride festivals and other lesbian and GLBT events, they’ll say ‘We’ve been together a long time, we obviously don’t need YOUR help’.

Well, you may disagree, but I can pretty well guarantee that this thought may actually be a blind spot for some couples. Yes, you may not ‘have any problems’. But, I would argue that even an ‘absence of problems’ is not protection against dissatisfaction. Perhaps you aren’t even aware of what satisfaction you COULD be feeling? Lastly, perhaps the truest test is this question – would your partner agree?

I recommend all individuals in relationships take Coach Sappho’s Luscious Lesbian Living and Loving Quiz today – separately – and then share your results. Or, if you aren’t ready to share your results with your partner yet, and you want support for doing so, contact me and set up a complimentary phone discussion. I’ll help you act in the best interests of yourself and your relationship.

Recommendations for Single Lesbians

If you are single, you need to believe that being single is a gift, not a curse. As a single person, you are now free to take your time and choose, whether or not you want to seek a life partner or, take a break and not date or even, date for fun (without the promise of any serious dating or exclusivity).

Yes, lesbians need to learn to date – meaning – instead of ‘falling for’ the first lesbian you kiss, date several women, and, then, once you’ve decided to date one person exclusively, take your time and really figure out if ’she’s the one’ before you decide to enter a committed relationship with her.

Now, you might say, ‘Barb, several women? Won’t I be branded a player?’ No, you are not a player, or a slut, if you are clear with the women you see that you are dating for fun and you aren’t yet interested in anything heavier right now. After all, how else do you learn what (and who) you like?

Singles may think they are ‘ready’ for a relationship but, in actuality they often times aren’t. Being single is not enough to qualify you to be ready for dating or a relationship. Want to find out where you stand? I recommend you complete Coach Sappho’s Luscious Lesbian Living and Loving Quiz and find out.

The bottom line here is that savvy Sappho gals reach out and get advice, they get help, they read and learn and, they experiment with what they learn, until they find what works (for now). And they repeat that process. In short, savvy Sappho lovers are open to new ideas and new ways of creating the life and love they desire. They make time for taking care of what they value the most. And, we know that those who make their love relationship a priority receive great value in return.

Believe you and me, what I’m recommending above is vitally important when you are traveling the ‘lesbian love jungle’. When you don’t set up these safeguards, you are in a reactionary, rushed mode that may ultimately cause you to miss creating the deeply satisfying, lasting relationship you say you want!

So, don’t forget – your very first secret to bringing more love into your luscious lesbian life, and to keep it simple, sister, at the same time, is to do whatever it takes to attract, create and nurture a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship. There are really no short cuts. I’ll say more about this concept in future posts.

Thanks for reading. Be sure to post your thoughts right here on the blog in the ‘comments’ section. Or, if you’d rather send them to me privately, just just email me with your question(s) and I will do my best to respond.

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach. Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

©2009, Barb Elgin. All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

I.M. – I recently had my wallet stolen and among the credit cards was my business credit card. For some time I have been thinking about getting identity theft protection and now will definitely be setting it up (better late than never, right!) However, would it cover my business cards/accounts as well?

Flustered in Florence

Dear Flustered,

First, I am sorry to hear your wallet was stolen and hope everything is getting back to normal. Identity theft is the fastest rising crime in America. There are many identity theft protection services out there and each one has different policies in regards to what is covered and what is not. You will want to ask the prospective companies what they offer that sets them apart from the competition. Some offer services after you have your ID stolen, and some offer services to both prevent and correct issues after ID theft.

Things to look for are:

1) credit monitoring – allows you to see all credit activity to monitor things like accounts open under your name in error, closed accounts still reflecting open, past due reports in error, etc.

2) credit alerts & freezes – in the event of ID theft, there should be a 24/7 number so the company can freeze all credit accounts & credit access with one phone call.

3) Public records monitoring – provides access to anyone who might be associated with your records.

4) Travel/Disaster document replacement – expedites replacement of documents travel so you can enjoy the rest of your vacation.

5) Expense/Loss Reimbursement – this reimburses things such as lost time at work, having to reapply for loans, attorney’s fees, and charges the credit card company refuses to waive.

The average person spends 175 hours to restore their lives after ID Theft. Regardless of what service you utilize to insure against this, it is imperative you also safeguard yourself from the loss in the first place. There are many tips, articles, and links provided at www.farmersidentityshield.com.

I’m so glad to share with you a video excerpt from the big event that happened yesterday at the White House: President Obama and First Lady Michelle held a reception for the GLBT community in recognition of the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots.

As usual, Obama was a masterful speaker. He stated his case for what his administration has already done for GLBT’s since taking office. I only hope that Obama can continue to follow his words with more actions, as he promised yesterday with his words…

Certainly while we are frustrated and want to see bigger gains, we must look at what we can be thankful for, in terms of Obama’s stated respect for our community as compared to previous presidents and, obviously, we are much better off in terms of ‘promise’ as compared to what we would have had with a republican president. For example, we probably wouldn’t have seen this type of reception if John McCain were president.

To watch the official White House video and get a transcript of Obama’s speech, you can do so by clicking here.

Financial institutions are reporting a 17% rise in customers’ use of their ATM debit card, the check card associated with their bank account.  As a result, owners of ATM machines are seeing increased machine use – and increased revenue.  Merchants accepting debit card payments are getting more debit sales, which is good news if they are equipped with a PIN pad for those transactions.

There is a rise in the customer category referred to in the financial institution business as “The Underbanked.”  These are customers who are unable to obtain a regular bank checking or savings account.  The category includes many immigrants with varying degrees of legal documentation of their immigrant status,  and as a result are hesitant to “involve”  themselves in the mainstream banking and credit systems.  The underbanked also include persons who have ruined their own ability to obtain a bank account through bankruptcy, indebtedness, bouncing checks, etc.  For these individuals, a prepaid debit card, often issued by a check cashing store, is their only remaining option.

Even among mainstream bank customers, there has been a rise in their use of the debit versus the credit function of their bank check card, especially for small purchases.  One reason for this is that many small merchants prefer and encourage that customers select “Debit” for purchases under $10, as this is frequently less expensive for the merchant to process.

Which brings us to the first of two points I want to make within this article.  That you, as a retail merchant accepting electronic payments from your customers should now be equipped with a PIN pad connected to your card terminal so customers can enter their personal identification number and you can pay less for that transaction than you would to process it as a credit card transaction.  The reason for this is that debit transactions bypass the VISA and Mastercard network and thus you avoid their interchange fees.  The average cost to process a credit transaction may be around 1.7% and 20¢ per transaction.  That same transaction processed as a PIN debit might only cost .70% and 30¢ .  Roughly 1% less.  Or $10 for every $1,000 in sales.

If you do not currently own a PIN pad, contact your merchant processor account executive about buying or leasing one.  They sell for about $200 or less.

Second point I want to make within this article:  Clients thinking about installing their own ATM in their retail location often ask me, do I think that the ATM market is saturated?  While my honest answer has to vary depending upon that client’s location, the number of other ATM’s nearby, etc., I  can state that in a good traffic location there is still plenty of room to make excellent revenue from an ATM, and the reason for my optimism is the fact of rising possession of debit cards and rising use of them not only in the United States but Europe as well.

There is really no good reason not to install an ATM in a retail store with good traffic.  If the store has enough traffic to itself survive and stay in business, then you will be able to generate enough additional revenue from an ATM to not only pay for the machine but to profit.  And, don’t forget, statistically, 35% of cash withdrawn from those machines ends up being spent right there in your store,so you enjoy that sales increase and resultant profits, too.

But these days, in which same-sex marriage and gay parenting are the hot-button issues of the day, our lives as couples are frequently acknowledged, documented and celebrated. Our lives as singles—well, not so much. - Kathy Anderson ‘Living Single and Lovin’ It’

We were talking about the subject of living single and lovin’ it this past week during our latest Lez Rendezvous Singles Mingle.  We chatted about thoughts such as, ‘what do we do if/when we feel like third wheels?’ and such.

We ended up having a great discussion on the subject of being even better than ‘just okay’ about being single.  Something I guess I ‘happily harp on’ with all of my singles clients.

No, it’s not often talked about in our society.  That is: being seen as single and normal, or, perhaps better said, being single AND proud.  You know, single lesbians are not to be pitied.

I loved Kathy Anderson’s quote, which came from her recent article over at Jane and Jane, “Living Single and Lovin’ It”.  The quote sums up the notion that, perhaps we focus too much on how great married couples are, to the point we really exclude and/or ‘put down’ or de-value singles.

Maybe we need to start holding some ‘Gay and Lesbian Singles Pride’ Festivals!

Singles are learning to have more fun these days.  Research is finding that, given our longer lifespans, most of us will join the ’singles club’ for significant periods of time during our adult lives.

Much of the time singles don’t really ‘choose’ to be single.  No matter what you do to try and preserve your non-single life, things happen.  Almost any of us, ‘but for the grace of god’ can wake up single tomorrow.

Anderson refers to many lesbian (and straight) women who aren’t sitting around waiting for a marriage proposal or Mz. Right.  They are having a good time now.

Many lesbians don’t even want to be labeled single or coupled.  And, according to Anderson, some women are living lives where they are both single and coupled.  Interesting is it not?

Younger women, especially, often feel the ‘pressure’ to ‘couple up’ or, get married.  I know I remember that time, in my 20’s, when my sisters were doing it, I wasn’t and, I was the oldest!

Somewhere, somehow, the idea that our lives didn’t have purpose without a mate became a popular one.  I also loved Anderson’s article because it challenges many of the assumptions and norms we, as women, chain or reign ourselves in with (or allow others to reign us in with), such as…

• we must be in a committed relationship to have a sex life
• single women don’t ‘have a life’
• single women are lonely
• only coupled women have a great sex life

Au contraire!  It appears many single lesbians are having great sex without commitment, they’re plenty happy and they feel freer to pursue other ‘commitments’ such as career, travel, activism, other family activities, etc., because they aren’t caught up in commitment to another person.

Now, perhaps you aren’t ‘the type’ to have unfettered, uncommited sex.  Or, you don’t plan to remain single consciously.  Or, you love having time now for your career, but you see for yourself in the near future a wife and family.

Either way,  the other benefit to enjoying your single-dom is the fact that, for most of us, being happily engaged in whatever it is we are doing is very attractive to others.  And especially to those others we may want to attract!

So, ‘embrace’ your single status and, instead of focusing on all you don’t have because you are single, explore what you do have, who you are and what you can have because you are single.  Discover the joys of this life stage.  Lifestyle or life phase, make it work for you.  The only other option is not really an option, so, get on with it!

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

©2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

A new electronic payment technology is rolling out.  Restaurants traditionally present diners with their check, the diner hands over a credit card and the waiter dashes off to a service station to run the card, print out a receipt and return to the diner’s table to have the receipt signed and return their credit card.  Now waiters can process the cards right there at the customer’s table!

It’s called “Pay At The Table” and it is gaining rapid popularity with both diners and restaurant staff.

It involves the deployment of small wireless credit card readers with either a built-in printer or a small printer worn on the waiter’s belt that connects by Bluetooth or infrared with the card reader.  Some readers use General Packet radio Service (GPRS) or cellular signals to send the card data to the processing gateway for authorization.  Other wireless devices send the data over to the actual credit card terminal at the cashier or server station, which then gets the transaction authorized and signals the OK back to the portable printer to print the receipt.

Whichever means of technology is used, the concept itself carries great benefits for both the diner and the restaurant.

Take a restaurant that is processing $300,000 per month in credit card sales.  They will be paying about $7,500 per month in transaction fees.  Statistically, 50-60% of the cards they process are not actually credit cards but debit cards (check cards).  The transaction cost for a debit transaction where the customer enters their PIN is about half of the cost to process that card as a credit card transaction.  When the waiter removes the card from the table, and processes it at a remote station, there is no way to run the card as debit.  Now – process those cards at the table in front of the customer, hand him the mobile terminal with built-in PIN pad to enter their PIN and you have cut the $7,500 monthly credit card processing fees almost in half!

From the customer’s standpoint, they feel more at ease not to have their card physically taken away from them, they have all heard those stories about criminal waiters stealing card numbers. (And it does happen.)  In a survey conducted by Verifone, a manufacturer of credit card processing equipment, 87% of diners surveyed said they felt a “high” sense of security having their transaction processed right at their table, and their card never leaving their sight.

Wireless terminals are turned in at the end of the server’s shift.  The server prints out a transaction log that is then matched up with the guest checks for accounting purposes.  The terminals process transactions in “real time” and do not need to be “batched out” like a traditional black box credit card terminal.

Wireless terminals have been in use for a few years already by businesses such as pizza delivery restaurants, mobile locksmiths, home contractors, etc.

Wireless terminals can be leased for about $30 per month or purchased for about $800.  They do require a wireless service airtime fee of about $18 per month.

An Automated Teller Machine (ATM) is a secured computerized kiosk that permits bank debit card holders to access their accounts, usually for purpose of withdrawing cash.  Originally located outside banks, these machines are now found in retail locations everywhere and may be owned by the owner of the retail location or they may be owned by an investor who places a machine and splits revenue with the location owner.  This article will discuss both methods of enjoying profits.

Machine revenue results from a ’surcharge” a machine user pays when they perform a withdrawal or other transaction (such as a balance inquiry) at the ATM.  Surcharges range from 99¢ to $3.00, commonly.  The average surcharge is $2.00.  This surcharge revenue is paid to the machine owner, usually on a monthly basis.   Ten transactions daily would yield $750 per month revenue if the surcharge was $2.50.  As may be seen, the up-front investment can be quickly regained, within a matter of months.

As a retailer with an ATM, you have an additional profit stream: statistically, 35% of cash withdrawn from the ATM machine in your store will be spent with you in your store.  So you have increased sales, and the profit from those sold items, to add to your pocket.  As an investor, this is a benefit you will want to point out to potential retail location partners when you approach them.

The initial investment for an ATM is around $2,500.  Installation by a qualified technician is another $350.  Those are the one-time fixed costs.  There will be some sort of monthly cost to access the ATM network, whether by dial-up phone line, cellular or broadband wireless.  As an investor you may arrange to split this cost with the location owner, or absorb this cost yourself.

Most machines now permit the owner to access the machine’s transaction online, and even receive alerts by email or text message, such as when cash is running low.

Cash is loaded into a cassette (that may be removable) and is usually single-denomination ($20 bills).  Whatever cash is dispensed from the machine today will be refunded to the machine owner’s bank account every day via ACH direct deposit.  The average location may be adequately stocked with $5,000 in cash and replenished daily.  An owner may possess extra cash cassettes in order to quickly visit each owned ATM and simply swap out the half-empty cassettes for full cassettes.  Removable cassettes also reduce time that the ATM is unlocked and open and vulnerable to theft or robbery.

For an investor with many placed machines, use of an armored courier service is an option.  The service will perform all machine cash reloading for you.

You will want to insure your machine.  If you are the retail location owner, this usually involves a telephone call to your business insurance agent to add the machine to your current business policy.  If you are going to be an investor with machines in different locations, policies are available to cover theft, vandalism or robbery.  Different insurance companies will require some security procedures to be in place, usually regarding secure installation; this will be handled by the certified installation contractor when machine is first delivered and installed.