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Janice Langbehn and her partner Lisa Pond

By Barb Elgin, LCSW

I’m deeply honored and happy to announce that Janice Langbehn, one of the GLBT community’s biggest ’sheroes’ will appear on my podcast

GLBT Talk with Barb and Donna

on Tuesday evening 10/27/09 at 6:30p ET.

Janice’s story has been in the national spotlight recently as well as much of the last two or so years since her life took a dramatic turn.

In 2007 Janice’s partner of 18 years, Lisa Pond, died suddenly and unexpectedly due to a brain aneurysm, while they were getting ready to enjoy a family vacation together.  Janice and Lisa probably treasured the vision of that vacation more than most; over the years they’d been amazing foster parents of over 25 children!

As if Lisa’s death wasn’t painful enough, the way Janice was treated in the hospital during Lisa’s final hours was unthinkable.  I can promise you the details will anger you.

And, recently, Janice was treated wrongly again when she learned her lawsuit against the Florida hospital that mistreated her was thrown out of court. We are amazed by Janice and we can’t wait to talk to her to learn more about her life today, her loving family and to find out what’s next for her.

Donna and I are humbled that Janice has chosen to share with us personal information about her life and the details of her own tragedy.  I am certain that Janice’s continuing sacrifice is part of the fabric of gradually changing hearts and minds and leading society closer to full rights and equality for gay and lesbian couples.

Please come to the live show, meet Janice, ask her questions and give her support. We’re giving this show a full hour to be sure we have enough time.  If you are already a podcast subscriber, look for attendance details to arrive in your email inbox soon.  If you aren’t yet a podcast subscriber, click here to sign up.  It’s free!

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Are YOU ready for love? Ready to find out?  Take Coach Sappho’s FREE Love Quiz.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

I speak to so many women who are putting their love lives on hold.  Even women in long term relationships.  Are you putting your love life on hold?  Or, let me say it another way:

Could you be enjoying a more luscious lesbian love life?

Ohhh…la la!  I mean it.  If you are single and you can’t seem to ‘get it together’ to reach your dream of being ’settled in’ with a woman you can build an exciting future with, what are you waiting for?  I speak to too many single lesbians who complain of this fact.

Eternally single lesbians

I point out to the 30-something single lesbians I talk to that they may think they have ‘plenty of time’.  However, I then tell them that I talk to many 40 and 50-something single women who were amazed how fast time had gone.

There are one too many 40 or 50-something women who say they always ‘thought’ by now they’d be in the relationship of their dreams, but they are still single and they don’t understand why.  Or, they’ve had relationships but they were short-lived or unsatisfying.

Could it be many single women are working too hard and not playing enough? Could it be they have shame about celebrating their sexuality by having an amazing relationship with another woman?  Could it be they are telling themselves it just must not be ‘in the cards’ for them?

Most single lesbians are probably telling themselves some or all of these things and more.  Many express their inner insecurity by being cynical or by blaming the universe.  That’s what I observe…

Whatever has tripped you up, you can get over it.  I truly believe all of us are born ready to be loving (and be loved).  That’s a start.  Yes, it takes more than that, and you can learn those secrets too!  I promise…you may not always feel crazy about doing what you need to do to have a luscious lesbian love life, but you can learn what will work and do more of it.

If you are successful in your work, great.  Now take that success and use it to get some balance in your life.  Uncover the secrets to having a love life… 

Seriously…all of those lesbian event companies and activity organizations will love me when I say this: there are plenty of you single ladies out there that need to inject more socializing into your week.

Betcha didn’t know that it’s the ladies who go out at least two times a week who are most likely to be in a relationship in one year.  It’s true, according to one recent study of single women.

Long-Suffering Coupled Lesbians

In the old days they called her the ‘long suffering’ wife.  Is that you?  If you are in a relationship but you aren’t happy most of the time, and you are accepting that state of affairs, I would say you have put your love life ‘on hold’ too.

Only you can decide this and do something about it.  Yes, I know it can be scary to admit things aren’t so hot or copacetic these days.  But, don’t just assume your partner will take it personal.  Maybe she’s feeling the same way and afraid to talk about it like you are.

The bottom line for couples is that you are so fortunate to have what you have.  Perhaps part of your unhappiness stems from taking that fact for granted? No, you say, you do all you can to make things great and your partner won’t play along.

Well the good news is that just because it feels that way, that doesn’t make it so.  If you tend to blame your partner for the state of your relationship or your feelings about your relationship, you’ve gotten caught up in a rut.

Maybe it’s time to take a whole new path…the path of luscious lesbian living and loving.  Let’s start with your perspective.  The glasses through which you see reality.  Have they gotten a bit mud-clogged?

Perhaps it’s time to ‘clean off’ those glasses.  Did you know that in relationships where partners evaluate their partner and their relationship through rose-hued glasses, that is, where they tend to give their partner some ’slack’, the happier they are?  Makes sense doesn’t it?

When it comes to luscious lesbian loving, each partner takes responsibility for what she can control in any situation.  Not more, not less, but just what it is.  If my partner has a negative response to something I’ve said or done, even if I wouldn’t change what I did or said, I’d at least empathize with their feelings about it.  That in itself may be a simple start to something more yummy…try it…

No you can’t change your partner.  Nor should you try to as that will only irritate your partner.  But, you can change how you are responding to your partner.  You don’t have to just ‘react’ to her.

Reacting may seem more ‘honest’ to some, however, I would argue that successful couples seek their ‘best’ honesty in any situation, not whatever wants to spill out of one’s mouth.  Any old honesty is not necessarily the best policy…hehehe….

I know myself, I have to be careful not to be too ‘vocal’ when I am stressed or tired.  It is then I am most thoughtless.  How about you?

I’ll even go so far to say, why not give yourself that space?  How often do we forget to give ourselves such empathy?  Try it out and see if that wonderful lusciousness doesn’t spread to your relationships with others…

Give yourself a luscious moment, just for you, today, okay?  See you soon!

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Looking for a fun, easy and inexpensive way to get more of what YOU want when it comes to love?  Be sure to join Barb as she launches Coach Sappho’s new book club ‘Let’s Talk About Love’, which begins 10/14/09.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

I, and most lesbians, face the proverbial ‘catch 22′ when it comes to getting adequate, competent health care.  If we come ‘out’ to our providers we take the chance it may negatively affect the treatment we’re given and if we’re not ‘out’ to our providers it may negatively affect the treatment we receive.

However, after reading an excellent article by Bonnie Osborn in the September 2009 issue of Jane and Jane Magazine entitled, ‘Feeling the Pinch: Health care inequities result in financial penalties for lesbian couples’, I was reminded that health ‘care’ is only one problem lesbians face in our current health care system.

Did you know lesbian couples are also penalized economically by the way our current health care system is set up?  And that this penalizing is repeated and compounded?

For example, even though two of my sisters stay at home and don’t work, they have health care through their husband’s employers.  And, even though another sister works, her husband stays home and receives full ’spouse’ benefits (including health care, life insurance, etc.).  And, I’m not even talking about all the children they have – eight between the three of them – who are covered on these various health care plans as well. Read the rest of this entry »

Your presence is often the best present.
- Quote on a piece of Dove chocolate I ate today

Now that we are past Labor Day and, in fact, living the day of 9/9/09, I just have to ask you…

Will you take time today, with all the hustle ‘n bustle (hehehe – I know silly ol’ saying), to enjoy the present? Yes it sounds so trite, however, I am just reminding you that you always have a choice to slow down and savor whatever it is you are doing, anytime YOU choose today.

When you do, notice what you ‘love’ about that moment.  And, make note of it.  Are you enjoying as many ‘presents’ as you can?  Are you enjoying what you are doing and, choosing to do more of what you enjoy? Read the rest of this entry »

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW

When it comes to today’s world, and especially the ‘internet world’, all of us are awash in a sea of information, aren’t we?  The same is definitely true when it comes to online dating and matchmaking.  And, as in all things in this life, there are some pros and cons to this state of affairs.

On the positive side, I look at today’s online environment for singles as a banquet or feast.  In addition to the ability to reach out and search practically anywhere in the world to find other women, the addition of testing to online search sites gives us some really cool ’systems’ and ‘theories’, if you will, that we can dive into, learn, take their tests and determine things like ‘your type’ and ‘those who might be attracted to or, complementary to, you’.

Then – on the negative or, ‘realistically optimistic’ side, or devil’s advocate position – think of the feeling you get when you’ve eaten (or drank) too much!  I don’t know about you, but its’ easy to become ‘overwhelmed’ by all of the ‘newfangled’ theories and methods available about love and dating on the internet today.

The good news is that there is significant power and resources being put behind the ‘problem’ of ‘finding a date, soul mate or life partner’.  There are several big time corporations now organized and powerful enough to do large scale research and development, beyond what your typical university or professor can do, and, for the most part, the results (and benefits to you) are worth considering.

One example of a ‘cutting edge’, research-based ‘compatibility’ system added on to your basic online dating is the Chemistry.com system.  I might be somewhat positively-biased on this one because I know Helen Fisher, the anthropologist who created the heart of their ‘personality typing’ and ‘matching’ system.

Helen’s system is based on her love: evolution and biology.  Her system attempts to define all of us as having a dominant ‘temperament’ based on four brain chemicals: testosterone, estrogen, dopamine and serotonin.  Sound similar to any other ‘personality typing’ systems you know?  Those of you who are into psychological testing might say: Myers-Briggs or the Enneagram.

I don’t know if Helen’s system is any more ’scientific’ than the Myers-Briggs, or if that even matters, anyway.  Has Fisher actually tested the brains of her subjects?  I doubt it.  I don’t even know if this sort of testing is even possible at this point.

It seems that these typing systems are intriguing, but, they have their critics.  I read an industry blog pretty regularly where a diverse group of business folk and researchers fight this out.  The social worker in me asks,

• What about the impact of social and psychological factors?
• What about those of us who don’t fall so strongly into one of the four categories?

From what I can see (from my corner of the universe – I am not, for example, a researcher), the state of the industry on this thing is that we may know, like we do with Helen’s system, who we are initially or naturally attracted to, but we still don’t really understand much about what separates those couples who do stay together over time from those who don’t.  Well, that’s not entirely untrue, but that’s a subject for another post.

It’s like the thing about finding a gay gene:  most likely there isn’t one gene, but a combination or interaction of many genes and, frankly, I hope they never find that exact combination out!

Now, what is really cool and undisputed about Helen’s work is the number of people she has access to study.  Helen says she has been able to study the responses of at least 4 million men and women, to date.  That is huge.  I’ve been communicating with Helen over the years and advocating for her to focus in on the lesbian community a bit more and, I emailed her earlier today to see if she is getting any further with that project.  (Of course I’ll let you know what I find out!)

So, Barb, you say, what does all of this mean for me?  Why should I care?  And, how do I use today’s online dating tools to my advantage?

To help you make greater sense of this ‘big ball o’ love’, I’ve come up with some simple tips you can follow, to help you use today’s online dating resources to your advantage.

TIP #1: Get clear what you are looking for before you look.

When a client says to me, ‘which dating site do I use or which one is best?’, I have to answer that first with a question: What is your vision for the ‘romantic relationship’ area of YOUR life? Your vision is very important, in terms of deciding what I would advise you do in terms of dating, partner searching, etc.

My bias is that lesbian women benefit in many ways when they make the conscious decision to value a deeply satisfying and lasting relationship as a centerpiece or, foundational element, of their life.  So my passion is helping the lesbian woman who is ready to become the kind of woman who does this well and help her find a woman she can build a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship with in this lifetime.  I believe it makes the most sense to focus most on becoming capable of long term love and finding a woman who is likewise capable of building a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship with you, in this lifetime.

Do you see the difference? I take this approach with my clients because I believe that creating a great love life for a lifetime is about so much more than who you are most naturally attracted to in a ‘chemical’ sense or ’static’ sense.  That’s because no one fits perfectly into a box and people change, over time.

Also important in the mix is the issue of envisioning the type of relationship (not just person) you want to create with another woman.

Looking at these other very important aspects, I think, round out the limitations of systems that test and type and put you into a box.  What I mean by ‘putting yourself’ (or a potential match) into a box is limiting yourself too much, or, relying too heavily on these types of assessments and tests.

Systems like Chemisty.com are incredibly useful and important, just don’t make them the only means of assessing, experimenting and observing you do.  For example, while these systems may help you save time and really focus in on women you would really be interested in dating, you still need to date each person you are attracted to, to determine if this is someone you want to build your life around.

So – to answer the question, ‘Which dating site is best for me?’, I would say there is no, as of yet, one ‘perfect’ method of finding your ‘perfect match’ (even if there is an online dating company named that).  So, don’t worry, chances are you aren’t ‘missing anything’!

While Helen Fisher may love the method she’s created, and many others love it too, Helen is smart enough to know that even her method has limitations.  The worst thing anyone can do is forget the ’spirit of the law’ or hit someone over the head with one of these methods.  Sorry to disappoint, but that’s important to remember!

TIP #2: Like investing in the stock market, your best bet is to diversify.  Use more than one resource – on and offline – when it comes to dating, up to the point of your feeling overwhelmed.

I suggest to all of my clients that, when it comes to finding compatible women to date, that they ‘cast the widest net’ possible, with the caveat – until you find it overwhelming.

Casting a wide net also includes using OTHER methods of meeting women, such as…

• telling your friends and family you want their help
• attending social events highly aligned with who you are and what you want
• using lower tech, higher touch services from a resource such as Coach Sappho (where I teach you how to take care of yourself and how to date in ways that result in you choosing a partner you CAN build an amazing future with)

So what’s my bottom line to date, on using online dating tools to your advantage in Attracting Mz. Right:

• Most importantly, have fun, no matter which tools and resources you choose!
• Try out different tools and ideas and approach each with a spirit of experimentation.  For example, why not take the next six months and date one woman each (either consecutively or, perhaps better, concurrently) from a variety of self-selected and ’selected for you’ resources, such as Lez Rendezvous, Chemistry.com, an introduction from friends or family who know you well and one woman you met at an event or activity that is highly aligned with your values.
• While you date these women, be clear up front if you are ‘dating non-exclusively now with the intention of finding a life partner in the near future’.  Most of us don’t take enough time to really ‘play the field’.  Now you are free to do so, if you so dare!  HINT:  date coaching can help!
• When it comes to the information these various online matchmaking and dating sites spit out on you and the women you date, remember, be careful about relying solely on this information.  You’ve still got to ‘date’!  Remember?  One of the processes I’m very wary of in today’s information saturated culture is becoming influenced too much or controlled by what we read.  When we take something that may not even be true for us to heart, we may stop being free to take the actions we could take ‘because this is the way I am’ or ‘because it’s hopeless’.
• Don’t overwhelm yourself by engaging in more systems than you can enjoy.  Everyone is different – some people may have time and energy to sign up for – and use – 5 of these types of systems whereas others should  instead focus on one or two.  I think it’s a waste to sign up for systems you end up not using or you barely use.  It’s better to get the most use you can out of one or two systems rather than spread yourself too thin and not achieve the best results you can from any one of them.

I think you’ll agree this is a fascinating subject and something I will probably spend more time blogging about!

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

I’m excited to share some great news:

I’ve been invited to panel an innovative teleconference
on work life balance for the National Gay and Lesbian
Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC) on August 25, 2009!

For those of you who know me well, you know I’ve been a passionate supporter of the NGLCC since it was founded about six or seven years ago.  In a few short years, NGLCC has already established itself as an organization that advocates for the interests of all GLBT’s, and particularly the cross section between politics and the marketplace.

The NGLCC is headquartered where it needs to be – at the foot of Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C.  I’ve been to several of their events and continue to spread the word as best as I can about them through my many face-to-face, online and virtual connections.

Read the rest of this entry »

By Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach

No, that’s not a typo!  The title of today’s post is correct…

There’s a lesbian couple (living right here in Florida, no less) who are happily celebrating their 70th anniversary together!  Yes!  Their names are Caroline Leto and Venera Magazzu and they live in Dania Beach.

Isn’t that incredible?  On one hand, yes it is.  Any individual who survives all of the challenges of living (including surviving until one’s 90’s), is a rarity.  Add to that being a gay or lesbian couple both living into their nineties and staying together, well now, that’s surely extra rare.

These women lived their primes at a time when they must have felt tremendous pressure to remain silent with most about their true selves.  And, they did.  They couldn’t be out like gay and lesbian couples take for granted today.

On the other hand, why should we be surprised that a lesbian couple has achieved such a feat?  Even though we hear all of the stereotypes – that lesbian relationships don’t last, that it’s a bunch of drama when two women get together, etc., long term lesbian relationships DO exist.

Given the fact that many older lesbian couples like Caroline and Venera were so ‘hidden’, due to the fact they lived during a time in our country’s history when most gays weren’t out, I’m betting there’s got to be at least a few more couples like this one around the world.

As I read this fine story, I was reminded of that wonderful couples group – Gulf Coast Couples – that I saw marching in the St. Pete Pride parade a few weeks ago.  Be sure to check out their pictures of the march, right there on their home page.  There you will see what those of us there live saw – many gay and lesbian couples marching down the street, with signs in their hands showing how many years they’d been together.

Click here to read Caroline and Venera’s story.

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

As I write to you about this topic, I am reminded of the popular song from a James Bond movie, called ‘Nobody Does it Better’. When it comes to your love life, no one else will make sure you have a great one like you will.

That sentence was SO important I’ll say it again…

No one else will make sure you enjoy a great love life like you will.

You deserve the love life you want, and, health-wise, it is important you feel great about your love life as often as you can.

So where does a smart and sophisticated Sappho gal begin to ensure she is enjoying a great love life?

Sapphic gals who enjoy great love lives give themselves whatever support is needed to reach their goal. Each woman is different in how they focus on achieving the goal of a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship. But the common thread is the focus.

Recommendations for Lesbian Couples

Great relationships don’t ‘just happen’. I actually have known more than one lesbian who tells me their relationship is great but when I get to know their partner, there’s an obvious disparity in reported satisfaction levels.

For example, do you really know for sure your partner is deeply satisfied? Yes, it’s important to have a ‘lovin’ feeling about your love life, but, if you are in the dark (or in denial) about your partner’s feelings, that will probably come up to bite you at some point.

And, I know plenty of instances where couples report things going well and, a year later, they are having major troubles. Could this have been prevented? I don’t know, however, if you are both ‘tuned in’ to your relationship, you should be able to identify problems early enough on to do something to either prevent a problem from actually manifesting itself or, at least be able to deal with it when it’s small and hopefully easier to address.

One way to ensure you have a great love life is to build a relationship with an expert, so that you can call on him or her if a problem arises. Even better would be to have an ongoing relationship with a relationship expert who can get to know the two of you and really identify a problem, even when both of you miss it. How is that possible, you say? Well, actually, it’s quite common. Why does this happen? Love relationships are complex. Sometimes couples are ‘too close to’ their relationship to be able to spot emerging or potential problems.

Okay, Barb, you say. Of course you are going to recommend we see a coach because you’re a coach. Well, I would say that you can try other options too such as reading a great book (and, even better, getting one with some exercises in it and actually doing them or, if the book doesn’t have exercises, reading and discussing passages in the book). And, there may be some other support group options, say, at your church or community center. But be sure to verify the training and backgrounds of any helper.

What’s my beef with the above options? None really, other than the fact nothing replaces the ideas and support you can receive from live interaction with an expert. How often do you read a book and never actually ‘use’ any of the great suggestions it provides? My point exactly…

Lastly, just because you’ve been with your partner for many years, whether that’s 5, 10, 20 or even 30 years or more, that doesn’t protect you from having to tweak things a bit, to keep it great, from time to time. Sometimes when I meet lesbian women out and about at pride festivals and other lesbian and GLBT events, they’ll say ‘We’ve been together a long time, we obviously don’t need YOUR help’.

Well, you may disagree, but I can pretty well guarantee that this thought may actually be a blind spot for some couples. Yes, you may not ‘have any problems’. But, I would argue that even an ‘absence of problems’ is not protection against dissatisfaction. Perhaps you aren’t even aware of what satisfaction you COULD be feeling? Lastly, perhaps the truest test is this question – would your partner agree?

I recommend all individuals in relationships take Coach Sappho’s Luscious Lesbian Living and Loving Quiz today – separately – and then share your results. Or, if you aren’t ready to share your results with your partner yet, and you want support for doing so, contact me and set up a complimentary phone discussion. I’ll help you act in the best interests of yourself and your relationship.

Recommendations for Single Lesbians

If you are single, you need to believe that being single is a gift, not a curse. As a single person, you are now free to take your time and choose, whether or not you want to seek a life partner or, take a break and not date or even, date for fun (without the promise of any serious dating or exclusivity).

Yes, lesbians need to learn to date – meaning – instead of ‘falling for’ the first lesbian you kiss, date several women, and, then, once you’ve decided to date one person exclusively, take your time and really figure out if ’she’s the one’ before you decide to enter a committed relationship with her.

Now, you might say, ‘Barb, several women? Won’t I be branded a player?’ No, you are not a player, or a slut, if you are clear with the women you see that you are dating for fun and you aren’t yet interested in anything heavier right now. After all, how else do you learn what (and who) you like?

Singles may think they are ‘ready’ for a relationship but, in actuality they often times aren’t. Being single is not enough to qualify you to be ready for dating or a relationship. Want to find out where you stand? I recommend you complete Coach Sappho’s Luscious Lesbian Living and Loving Quiz and find out.

The bottom line here is that savvy Sappho gals reach out and get advice, they get help, they read and learn and, they experiment with what they learn, until they find what works (for now). And they repeat that process. In short, savvy Sappho lovers are open to new ideas and new ways of creating the life and love they desire. They make time for taking care of what they value the most. And, we know that those who make their love relationship a priority receive great value in return.

Believe you and me, what I’m recommending above is vitally important when you are traveling the ‘lesbian love jungle’. When you don’t set up these safeguards, you are in a reactionary, rushed mode that may ultimately cause you to miss creating the deeply satisfying, lasting relationship you say you want!

So, don’t forget – your very first secret to bringing more love into your luscious lesbian life, and to keep it simple, sister, at the same time, is to do whatever it takes to attract, create and nurture a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship. There are really no short cuts. I’ll say more about this concept in future posts.

Thanks for reading. Be sure to post your thoughts right here on the blog in the ‘comments’ section. Or, if you’d rather send them to me privately, just just email me with your question(s) and I will do my best to respond.

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach. Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

©2009, Barb Elgin. All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

I’m so glad to share with you a video excerpt from the big event that happened yesterday at the White House: President Obama and First Lady Michelle held a reception for the GLBT community in recognition of the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots.

As usual, Obama was a masterful speaker. He stated his case for what his administration has already done for GLBT’s since taking office. I only hope that Obama can continue to follow his words with more actions, as he promised yesterday with his words…

Certainly while we are frustrated and want to see bigger gains, we must look at what we can be thankful for, in terms of Obama’s stated respect for our community as compared to previous presidents and, obviously, we are much better off in terms of ‘promise’ as compared to what we would have had with a republican president. For example, we probably wouldn’t have seen this type of reception if John McCain were president.

To watch the official White House video and get a transcript of Obama’s speech, you can do so by clicking here.

Financial institutions are reporting a 17% rise in customers’ use of their ATM debit card, the check card associated with their bank account.  As a result, owners of ATM machines are seeing increased machine use – and increased revenue.  Merchants accepting debit card payments are getting more debit sales, which is good news if they are equipped with a PIN pad for those transactions.

There is a rise in the customer category referred to in the financial institution business as “The Underbanked.”  These are customers who are unable to obtain a regular bank checking or savings account.  The category includes many immigrants with varying degrees of legal documentation of their immigrant status,  and as a result are hesitant to “involve”  themselves in the mainstream banking and credit systems.  The underbanked also include persons who have ruined their own ability to obtain a bank account through bankruptcy, indebtedness, bouncing checks, etc.  For these individuals, a prepaid debit card, often issued by a check cashing store, is their only remaining option.

Even among mainstream bank customers, there has been a rise in their use of the debit versus the credit function of their bank check card, especially for small purchases.  One reason for this is that many small merchants prefer and encourage that customers select “Debit” for purchases under $10, as this is frequently less expensive for the merchant to process.

Which brings us to the first of two points I want to make within this article.  That you, as a retail merchant accepting electronic payments from your customers should now be equipped with a PIN pad connected to your card terminal so customers can enter their personal identification number and you can pay less for that transaction than you would to process it as a credit card transaction.  The reason for this is that debit transactions bypass the VISA and Mastercard network and thus you avoid their interchange fees.  The average cost to process a credit transaction may be around 1.7% and 20¢ per transaction.  That same transaction processed as a PIN debit might only cost .70% and 30¢ .  Roughly 1% less.  Or $10 for every $1,000 in sales.

If you do not currently own a PIN pad, contact your merchant processor account executive about buying or leasing one.  They sell for about $200 or less.

Second point I want to make within this article:  Clients thinking about installing their own ATM in their retail location often ask me, do I think that the ATM market is saturated?  While my honest answer has to vary depending upon that client’s location, the number of other ATM’s nearby, etc., I  can state that in a good traffic location there is still plenty of room to make excellent revenue from an ATM, and the reason for my optimism is the fact of rising possession of debit cards and rising use of them not only in the United States but Europe as well.

There is really no good reason not to install an ATM in a retail store with good traffic.  If the store has enough traffic to itself survive and stay in business, then you will be able to generate enough additional revenue from an ATM to not only pay for the machine but to profit.  And, don’t forget, statistically, 35% of cash withdrawn from those machines ends up being spent right there in your store,so you enjoy that sales increase and resultant profits, too.