Queercents Professional Directory

Janice Langbehn and her partner Lisa Pond

By Barb Elgin, LCSW

I’m deeply honored and happy to announce that Janice Langbehn, one of the GLBT community’s biggest ’sheroes’ will appear on my podcast

GLBT Talk with Barb and Donna

on Tuesday evening 10/27/09 at 6:30p ET.

Janice’s story has been in the national spotlight recently as well as much of the last two or so years since her life took a dramatic turn.

In 2007 Janice’s partner of 18 years, Lisa Pond, died suddenly and unexpectedly due to a brain aneurysm, while they were getting ready to enjoy a family vacation together.  Janice and Lisa probably treasured the vision of that vacation more than most; over the years they’d been amazing foster parents of over 25 children!

As if Lisa’s death wasn’t painful enough, the way Janice was treated in the hospital during Lisa’s final hours was unthinkable.  I can promise you the details will anger you.

And, recently, Janice was treated wrongly again when she learned her lawsuit against the Florida hospital that mistreated her was thrown out of court. We are amazed by Janice and we can’t wait to talk to her to learn more about her life today, her loving family and to find out what’s next for her.

Donna and I are humbled that Janice has chosen to share with us personal information about her life and the details of her own tragedy.  I am certain that Janice’s continuing sacrifice is part of the fabric of gradually changing hearts and minds and leading society closer to full rights and equality for gay and lesbian couples.

Please come to the live show, meet Janice, ask her questions and give her support. We’re giving this show a full hour to be sure we have enough time.  If you are already a podcast subscriber, look for attendance details to arrive in your email inbox soon.  If you aren’t yet a podcast subscriber, click here to sign up.  It’s free!

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Are YOU ready for love? Ready to find out?  Take Coach Sappho’s FREE Love Quiz.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

I, and most lesbians, face the proverbial ‘catch 22′ when it comes to getting adequate, competent health care.  If we come ‘out’ to our providers we take the chance it may negatively affect the treatment we’re given and if we’re not ‘out’ to our providers it may negatively affect the treatment we receive.

However, after reading an excellent article by Bonnie Osborn in the September 2009 issue of Jane and Jane Magazine entitled, ‘Feeling the Pinch: Health care inequities result in financial penalties for lesbian couples’, I was reminded that health ‘care’ is only one problem lesbians face in our current health care system.

Did you know lesbian couples are also penalized economically by the way our current health care system is set up?  And that this penalizing is repeated and compounded?

For example, even though two of my sisters stay at home and don’t work, they have health care through their husband’s employers.  And, even though another sister works, her husband stays home and receives full ’spouse’ benefits (including health care, life insurance, etc.).  And, I’m not even talking about all the children they have – eight between the three of them – who are covered on these various health care plans as well. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m excited to share some great news:

I’ve been invited to panel an innovative teleconference
on work life balance for the National Gay and Lesbian
Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC) on August 25, 2009!

For those of you who know me well, you know I’ve been a passionate supporter of the NGLCC since it was founded about six or seven years ago.  In a few short years, NGLCC has already established itself as an organization that advocates for the interests of all GLBT’s, and particularly the cross section between politics and the marketplace.

The NGLCC is headquartered where it needs to be – at the foot of Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C.  I’ve been to several of their events and continue to spread the word as best as I can about them through my many face-to-face, online and virtual connections.

Read the rest of this entry »

By Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach

No, that’s not a typo!  The title of today’s post is correct…

There’s a lesbian couple (living right here in Florida, no less) who are happily celebrating their 70th anniversary together!  Yes!  Their names are Caroline Leto and Venera Magazzu and they live in Dania Beach.

Isn’t that incredible?  On one hand, yes it is.  Any individual who survives all of the challenges of living (including surviving until one’s 90’s), is a rarity.  Add to that being a gay or lesbian couple both living into their nineties and staying together, well now, that’s surely extra rare.

These women lived their primes at a time when they must have felt tremendous pressure to remain silent with most about their true selves.  And, they did.  They couldn’t be out like gay and lesbian couples take for granted today.

On the other hand, why should we be surprised that a lesbian couple has achieved such a feat?  Even though we hear all of the stereotypes – that lesbian relationships don’t last, that it’s a bunch of drama when two women get together, etc., long term lesbian relationships DO exist.

Given the fact that many older lesbian couples like Caroline and Venera were so ‘hidden’, due to the fact they lived during a time in our country’s history when most gays weren’t out, I’m betting there’s got to be at least a few more couples like this one around the world.

As I read this fine story, I was reminded of that wonderful couples group – Gulf Coast Couples – that I saw marching in the St. Pete Pride parade a few weeks ago.  Be sure to check out their pictures of the march, right there on their home page.  There you will see what those of us there live saw – many gay and lesbian couples marching down the street, with signs in their hands showing how many years they’d been together.

Click here to read Caroline and Venera’s story.

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

I’m so glad to share with you a video excerpt from the big event that happened yesterday at the White House: President Obama and First Lady Michelle held a reception for the GLBT community in recognition of the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots.

As usual, Obama was a masterful speaker. He stated his case for what his administration has already done for GLBT’s since taking office. I only hope that Obama can continue to follow his words with more actions, as he promised yesterday with his words…

Certainly while we are frustrated and want to see bigger gains, we must look at what we can be thankful for, in terms of Obama’s stated respect for our community as compared to previous presidents and, obviously, we are much better off in terms of ‘promise’ as compared to what we would have had with a republican president. For example, we probably wouldn’t have seen this type of reception if John McCain were president.

To watch the official White House video and get a transcript of Obama’s speech, you can do so by clicking here.

I know it’s been a tough week for equality, fairness and for gay Californians especially.  The rest of the country is looking on, and doing all it can to be supportive.  That includes me, here in Florida.

I posted to a lesbian relationship blog I read quite often earlier today.  The blog’s creator lamented her frustration with the California decision and suggested perhaps we should stop wanting marriage and accept civil unions.

That’s a ‘mental space’ I’ve fallen into as well, at times.  That’s just what those who thrive on denying people civil rights want us to do.  That’s where I was back last year when I invited Evan Wolfson, from Freedom to Marry, to Coach Sappho’s podcast.  I was feeling defeated about gay marriage and, it’s chances of ever becoming the law of the entire U.S.

Read the rest of this entry »

One of my ’single but dating one woman exclusively’ community members wrote me upset today as she is discovering what gay marriage activists have been squawking about for awhile now.  Yes, it’s true, I wrote, gay couples lose out financially in multiple ways when they can’t marry.  Even if a gay or lesbian couple is married in the five states where it is now legal or, signs on for those so-called domestic partnership benefits some local governments are allowing, it’s a ‘crumb’ compared to the whole loaf of bread straight couples receive.

I followed up on my community member’s request by locating one of the original papers written summarizing this inequality – Tax Implications for Gay Couples – by Goldberg and Badgett at the UCLA William’s Institute.  Another great piece that describes how these inequities play themselves out in the lives of real flesh and blood gay and lesbian couples is described here in an interesting NPR piece entitled ‘With the Gay Tax Love Doesn’t Come Cheap’.

As the author of the NPR piece eloquently states,

“The media’s primary focus on the morality debate around same-sex marriage means that most of the public, gay or straight, knows little about the very real economic costs of inequality. It doesn’t matter that Joan and I married in Massachusetts five years ago this week, or that our home state recognizes our marriage. It makes no difference that she works for a progressive company with an active LGBT employees group. Companies pay for their employees’ health insurance with pretax money through a federal program, and same-sex marriage isn’t federally recognized.”

What I find interesting about all of this is that, as gay and lesbian individuals start to value themselves and their relationships more, hearing facts like the above ‘hits home’ in ways they never have before.  Ten years ago, I know I didn’t yet comprehend the real financial ‘benefits’ I was being denied as a tax-paying, but devoted partner in a long term, committed relationship.  In my heart, I was as married as most of my married straight peers.

Ten years ago most of us didn’t much consider what we were being denied.  Now, we understand the impacts much, much more, particularly as we get older, grow old together and face more and more of the financial vulnerabilities of living and loving as committed couples, parents, families, etc.

Get educated.  Get angry.  Take constructive action.  While ten percent of gay and lesbian Americans can now legally wed their same sexed partner, even they still find their marriages invalidated federally.  We need to overturn nasty laws like DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and give 100% of gay and lesbian couples in America federal marriage benefits – now!

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

©2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.