By Barb Elgin, LCSW

I’m deeply honored and happy to announce that Janice Langbehn, one of the GLBT community’s biggest ’sheroes’ will appear on my podcast

GLBT Talk with Barb and Donna

on Tuesday evening 10/27/09 at 6:30p ET.

Janice’s story has been in the national spotlight recently as well as much of the last two or so years since her life took a dramatic turn.

In 2007 Janice’s partner of 18 years, Lisa Pond, died suddenly and unexpectedly due to a brain aneurysm, while they were getting ready to enjoy a family vacation together.  Janice and Lisa probably treasured the vision of that vacation more than most; over the years they’d been amazing foster parents of over 25 children!

As if Lisa’s death wasn’t painful enough, the way Janice was treated in the hospital during Lisa’s final hours was unthinkable.  I can promise you the details will anger you.

And, recently, Janice was treated wrongly again when she learned her lawsuit against the Florida hospital that mistreated her was thrown out of court. We are amazed by Janice and we can’t wait to talk to her to learn more about her life today, her loving family and to find out what’s next for her.

Donna and I are humbled that Janice has chosen to share with us personal information about her life and the details of her own tragedy.  I am certain that Janice’s continuing sacrifice is part of the fabric of gradually changing hearts and minds and leading society closer to full rights and equality for gay and lesbian couples.

Please come to the live show, meet Janice, ask her questions and give her support. We’re giving this show a full hour to be sure we have enough time.  If you are already a podcast subscriber, look for attendance details to arrive in your email inbox soon.  If you aren’t yet a podcast subscriber, click here to sign up.  It’s free!

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Are YOU ready for love? Ready to find out?  Take Coach Sappho’s FREE Love Quiz.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

However, after reading an excellent article by Bonnie Osborn in the September 2009 issue of Jane and Jane Magazine entitled, ‘Feeling the Pinch: Health care inequities result in financial penalties for lesbian couples’, I was reminded that health ‘care’ is only one problem lesbians face in our current health care system.

Did you know lesbian couples are also penalized economically by the way our current health care system is set up?  And that this penalizing is repeated and compounded?

For example, even though two of my sisters stay at home and don’t work, they have health care through their husband’s employers.  And, even though another sister works, her husband stays home and receives full ’spouse’ benefits (including health care, life insurance, etc.).  And, I’m not even talking about all the children they have – eight between the three of them – who are covered on these various health care plans as well.

I, on the other hand, could not put my partner on my health insurance (back when I had a partner).  And, my partners were never able to put me on their plans.  Meaning:  if at some point one of us had become unemployed and, heaven forbid, become ill, what would we do?

It becomes even more complicated when we talk about being laid off.  Even if I’d at some point had the ability to add my partner to my benefits, my partner said she would have been afraid to do so.  After all, if I later changed jobs, who knows if that new employer would have domestic partner coverage?  Given the fact insurance coverage isn’t assured/universal, she would’ve had to go through another period of underwriting and possible exclusion.  I know that’s never even a thought for straight couples.

Yes, in some places, and with some large companies, same sex partners do have access to partner benefits.  But, over all, only a minority of lesbians in America have such access.

And, to add insult, the federal government taxes partner benefits as ‘taxable income’!  Wow -  even when we have access, we pay a price straight couples don’t: when a same sex partner is on her partner’s insurance she gets to, you guessed it: pay taxes on having the honor of such a benefit!

And, guess what?  The employer is penalized too.  So, good luck getting many employers to want to cover same sexed partners on their insurance plans!

Lesbians have the highest uninsured rate

Worse yet, for those who don’t have the honor of paying these additional taxes, many of these coupled lesbians remain uninsured, because they can’t afford their own insurance!  Can you imagine the spouse of a straight person going through this state of affairs?

According to Osborn, a recent survey found that lesbians as a group had more uninsured than gay men and heterosexuals.  In fact lesbians were almost twice as likely to be uninsured as heterosexuals.

Is it any surprise then, that lesbians, as a group, are consistently poorer than gay men and heterosexuals, especially as they grow older?

Here’s another common example of how the current system hurts lesbians financially: if your partner takes ill and needs your help, what do you do?  Here’s one extreme:  military personnel often wouldn’t even think of taking off to help a partner because of the attention it might put on them.  They’d fear a court martial (it happens…often, and not just on The L Word).

Often then, for these individuals, benefits earned are never used.  Perhaps then the couple has to pay for home health care, all out of their own pocket (if they have the resources to do so).

More common is the scenario where a partner has to use vacation time to stay home and help a same sexed partner, whereas a straight partner would be able to use sick time instead.  This matters for those whose retirement benefits depend on accrued vacation time.

Or, what happens when a partner doesn’t have any sick or vacation time to use?  Will her employer allow her to take ‘leave without pay’?  Who can even afford to do that in today’s economy?

Osborn notes that these sorts of ‘institutionalized inequities’…

“Add up to hundreds and even thousands of dollars of financial penalties each year”.

Yikes!  No wonder so many of us can never get ahead.  Many of us are already being ‘under paid’ because we are women.

Why aren’t lesbians more upset about this state of affairs? Perhaps because we don’t have any energy left, after we work all the extra hours and jobs we need, to pay off these debts!

And, of course, worries about whether a doctor will provide you inferior care (because he or she doesn’t like gays or doesn’t know you are gay), and economic inequities are far from the only disparities lesbians face in today’s health care system.

Worries about whether all the legal papers we pay to draw up to protect our wishes in times of emergencies still exist.  There are many instances of couples having their advance directives ignored.  Tragic examples include the Lisa Pond story.

Here again, we lose financially.  Setting up living wills and power of attorney documents correctly can cost hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars.  By the way, when was the last time a hospital asked a straight spouse to produce paper work to prove ‘next of kin’?

And in a cruel irony, even the two democratic presidents we’ve had in the past 20-30 years who are pro-gay have (or are) hurting us when it comes to easing these burdens:

• President Clinton’s signing of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in the 1990’s makes it illegal for the federal government to recognize legal gay relationships and allows states to deny recognition as well.  In fact, according to Osborn, “recently same sex partners of laid off workers weren’t able to receive payments to help pay for COBRA health insurance that the partners of heterosexual partners received, because of DOMA.”
• President Obama has relegated DOMA to the bottom of his priority list and, when the issue has come up, has given a mixed message at best (while he has said he wants to repeal DOMA, recently, when the issue came up in a court case, his administration defended it).

In my (and Osborn’s) opinion, another of the many good reasons to support the House of Representative’s HR 3200 ‘America’s Affordable Health Choices Act’ is that it does redress a couple of the systematic problems plaguing lesbians in the current system:  HR 3200 would set up a system to collect data on gays and lesbians (which would then prove the disparities and need for other reforms) and it would also stop the taxation of same sex partner health benefits.

Be sure you check out Osborn’s article.  It should get you good and mad and speaking up to your congress person/persons.

BE well,

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

Does your business serve lesbians? If so, and you want to spread the word, join Lez Do Biz! a free, online network for businesses who serve lesbian, bisexual and transgender women.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

I’ve been invited to panel an innovative teleconference
on work life balance for the National Gay and Lesbian
Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC) on August 25, 2009!

For those of you who know me well, you know I’ve been a passionate supporter of the NGLCC since it was founded about six or seven years ago.  In a few short years, NGLCC has already established itself as an organization that advocates for the interests of all GLBT’s, and particularly the cross section between politics and the marketplace.

The NGLCC is headquartered where it needs to be – at the foot of Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C.  I’ve been to several of their events and continue to spread the word as best as I can about them through my many face-to-face, online and virtual connections.

NGLCC, in recognition of the special challenges LBT (lesbian, bisexual and transgendered) women face in the business world, has started a Women’s Business Initiative (WBI).  I’ve been invited to be a member of the WBI’s executive circle and consider it an opportunity to rub shoulders with women who are successfully navigating the business world.

Usually, when I think of how being a part of the NGLCC and WBI assists me, I think of business.  And, yes, that’s a major point.  However, as we all know, every employee, manager and business owner also has a personal life.

It’s been an age old challenge, especially for women: how to balance one’s personal and work lives.  Add to that the trend in today’s workplace, for better or worse, of a blurring between personal and work environments.  Add in desiring a satisfying relationship with your partner (i.e.: having enough quality time to nurture your relationship), caring for children and aging parents, etc., and you begin to get a sense of our challenge.

For example, solo female entrepreneurs like myself may have the most difficult time of all:  we are not just too busy, wearing all of the hats a business requires, we often lack other resources female executives and managers from larger, more established organizations enjoy, such as true breaks from work and other financial benefits.

NGLCC announced the tele-seminar today on it’s online newsite BIZ in an article entitled,

WBI Goes 2.0 and Teleconference Series Explores Issues of Interest to Women Business Owners and Professionals

I was quoted in the article as follows:

“I am extremely excited the NGLCC has invited me to moderate WBI’s upcoming teleconference…During this innovative event, as I interview guest panelists and facilitate a rich, lively discussion, my primary focus will be discovering the variety of creative ways today’s most successful businesswomen are balancing vibrant personal and professional lives.”

I’ll have the honor of interviewing female executives from companies such as Johnson and Johnson and Southwest Airlines.  Is that cool or what?

Click here for complete details about the event, including how you can attend for free.

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Flustered in Florence

Dear Flustered,

First, I am sorry to hear your wallet was stolen and hope everything is getting back to normal. Identity theft is the fastest rising crime in America. There are many identity theft protection services out there and each one has different policies in regards to what is covered and what is not. You will want to ask the prospective companies what they offer that sets them apart from the competition. Some offer services after you have your ID stolen, and some offer services to both prevent and correct issues after ID theft.

Things to look for are:

1) credit monitoring – allows you to see all credit activity to monitor things like accounts open under your name in error, closed accounts still reflecting open, past due reports in error, etc.

2) credit alerts & freezes – in the event of ID theft, there should be a 24/7 number so the company can freeze all credit accounts & credit access with one phone call.

3) Public records monitoring – provides access to anyone who might be associated with your records.

4) Travel/Disaster document replacement – expedites replacement of documents travel so you can enjoy the rest of your vacation.

5) Expense/Loss Reimbursement – this reimburses things such as lost time at work, having to reapply for loans, attorney’s fees, and charges the credit card company refuses to waive.

The average person spends 175 hours to restore their lives after ID Theft. Regardless of what service you utilize to insure against this, it is imperative you also safeguard yourself from the loss in the first place. There are many tips, articles, and links provided at www.farmersidentityshield.com.

Unfortunately, rain water coming into your house from the outside is considered flood and therefore is not covered under most homeowners policies. Had this been a sudden pipe bursting within the house it would have been a different story. While frustrating, the client understood.

Tips:
- Clean gutters regularly to prevent water overflow that can leave standing water up against your home
- When leaving town, have a friend/neighbor check on your house (in its entirety) 1-2x per day. This person had a friend watching their home, but they did not go through the entire house; therefore they did not notice the flooding downstairs.

*Also make sure the person watching your home has the contact info for your agent and the claims department. Had this been a covered loss, the friend could have let us into the house to prevent further damage and start cleanup without interrupting the homeowners vacation.

First, I would like to congratulate you for commuting by bike. The environment, your body, and I thank you. The only person who doesn’t appreciate it is big oil companies, but I think they will get over it.

I have had a lot of people asking about this and am glad to clarify. If you run into a car, person, or any other object and damage/injure it/them, you are responsible. If the damage/injury is severe and/or you are incapable of paying for it yourself, it would fall against your personal liability insurance. This coverage is automatically included in homeowners, renters, or condominium insurance. We recommend people have their personal liability set at a minimum of $300,000 and if your net worth exceeds that, it should be raised to match/exceed. Personal liability coverage extends around the world for anything you could be found personally liable (at fault) for while not operating a vehicle.

If injured and the accident is your fault, your personal medical insurance should cover any medical expenses. It is important to make sure your health insurance is set up well if you are often in risky situations such as bicycle commuting, rock climbing, aggressive sports, etc. A high deductible or co-pay could be detrimental in these situations.

If injured and the accident is someone else’s fault, they are responsible. If they are driving, their auto insurance should pay. If they are on a bike, they or their personal liability insurance are responsible.

A great resource and organization to support is the Bicycle Transportation Alliance. They are working for better safety regulations, more bicycle-friendly policies, more places to store bikes, and better bike routes. I am a member and invite you to become one as well.

http://www.bta4bikes.org/