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Queercents is a syndicate of personal finance writers serving the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. Through our writings, we are dedicated to helping you lead a moneyed life.

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Janice Langbehn to appear LIVE on ‘GLBT Talk with Barb and Donna’ 10/27/09 at 6:30pm ET

@ 9:26 pm

Janice Langbehn and her partner Lisa Pond

By Barb Elgin, LCSW

I’m deeply honored and happy to announce that Janice Langbehn, one of the GLBT community’s biggest ’sheroes’ will appear on my podcast

GLBT Talk with Barb and Donna

on Tuesday evening 10/27/09 at 6:30p ET.

Janice’s story has been in the national spotlight recently as well as much of the last two or so years since her life took a dramatic turn.

In 2007 Janice’s partner of 18 years, Lisa Pond, died suddenly and unexpectedly due to a brain aneurysm, while they were getting ready to enjoy a family vacation together.  Janice and Lisa probably treasured the vision of that vacation more than most; over the years they’d been amazing foster parents of over 25 children!

As if Lisa’s death wasn’t painful enough, the way Janice was treated in the hospital during Lisa’s final hours was unthinkable.  I can promise you the details will anger you.

And, recently, Janice was treated wrongly again when she learned her lawsuit against the Florida hospital that mistreated her was thrown out of court. We are amazed by Janice and we can’t wait to talk to her to learn more about her life today, her loving family and to find out what’s next for her.

Donna and I are humbled that Janice has chosen to share with us personal information about her life and the details of her own tragedy.  I am certain that Janice’s continuing sacrifice is part of the fabric of gradually changing hearts and minds and leading society closer to full rights and equality for gay and lesbian couples.

Please come to the live show, meet Janice, ask her questions and give her support. We’re giving this show a full hour to be sure we have enough time.  If you are already a podcast subscriber, look for attendance details to arrive in your email inbox soon.  If you aren’t yet a podcast subscriber, click here to sign up.  It’s free!

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Are YOU ready for love? Ready to find out?  Take Coach Sappho’s FREE Love Quiz.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Today’s health care system unfairly penalizes lesbian couples

@ 9:47 pm

I, and most lesbians, face the proverbial ‘catch 22′ when it comes to getting adequate, competent health care.  If we come ‘out’ to our providers we take the chance it may negatively affect the treatment we’re given and if we’re not ‘out’ to our providers it may negatively affect the treatment we receive.

However, after reading an excellent article by Bonnie Osborn in the September 2009 issue of Jane and Jane Magazine entitled, ‘Feeling the Pinch: Health care inequities result in financial penalties for lesbian couples’, I was reminded that health ‘care’ is only one problem lesbians face in our current health care system.

Did you know lesbian couples are also penalized economically by the way our current health care system is set up?  And that this penalizing is repeated and compounded?

For example, even though two of my sisters stay at home and don’t work, they have health care through their husband’s employers.  And, even though another sister works, her husband stays home and receives full ’spouse’ benefits (including health care, life insurance, etc.).  And, I’m not even talking about all the children they have – eight between the three of them – who are covered on these various health care plans as well. Read the rest of this entry »

Overcome your shyness…life awaits!

@ 12:41 pm

By Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW

I was a shy child.  Yes, it’s true.  If you don’t believe me, ask my classmates and friends from childhood.  And, I’m still not (and will never be) a total extrovert.  But I’m also living proof one can overcome and/or manage the type of shyness and, frankly wimpy-ness, that holds us back from the bigger opportunities and joys of life.

Why was I a shy (and maybe wimpy) child? Perhaps some of it is inborn.  But I think most of my shyness developed out of occurrences such as feeling different from others (the whole gay thing), being a girl (socialized to ‘be nice’ and ‘not have my own mind’) as well as a lack of understanding and support from authority figures such as parents and teachers and, perhaps even bullying from others who may have been just as shy as me, but compensated in that way to overcome their shyness.

I was sitting in the hairdressers yesterday waiting to have my hair cut and I came across an article on shyness, in, of all magazines, Ladies Home Journal (okay, hold your jokes!).  So, between running across this article and, having my fair share of discussions with clients recently on this very topic, particularly as it relates to lesbian dating and relationships and career advancement I thought I’d post about shyness.

Read the rest of this entry »

NGLCC invites Barb Elgin to moderate ‘work-life balance’ teleconference featuring top female executives

@ 6:21 pm

I’m excited to share some great news:

I’ve been invited to panel an innovative teleconference
on work life balance for the National Gay and Lesbian
Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC) on August 25, 2009!

For those of you who know me well, you know I’ve been a passionate supporter of the NGLCC since it was founded about six or seven years ago.  In a few short years, NGLCC has already established itself as an organization that advocates for the interests of all GLBT’s, and particularly the cross section between politics and the marketplace.

The NGLCC is headquartered where it needs to be – at the foot of Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C.  I’ve been to several of their events and continue to spread the word as best as I can about them through my many face-to-face, online and virtual connections.

Read the rest of this entry »

Lesbian couple from Florida celebrating 70 years together

@ 9:57 pm

By Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach

No, that’s not a typo!  The title of today’s post is correct…

There’s a lesbian couple (living right here in Florida, no less) who are happily celebrating their 70th anniversary together!  Yes!  Their names are Caroline Leto and Venera Magazzu and they live in Dania Beach.

Isn’t that incredible?  On one hand, yes it is.  Any individual who survives all of the challenges of living (including surviving until one’s 90’s), is a rarity.  Add to that being a gay or lesbian couple both living into their nineties and staying together, well now, that’s surely extra rare.

These women lived their primes at a time when they must have felt tremendous pressure to remain silent with most about their true selves.  And, they did.  They couldn’t be out like gay and lesbian couples take for granted today.

On the other hand, why should we be surprised that a lesbian couple has achieved such a feat?  Even though we hear all of the stereotypes – that lesbian relationships don’t last, that it’s a bunch of drama when two women get together, etc., long term lesbian relationships DO exist.

Given the fact that many older lesbian couples like Caroline and Venera were so ‘hidden’, due to the fact they lived during a time in our country’s history when most gays weren’t out, I’m betting there’s got to be at least a few more couples like this one around the world.

As I read this fine story, I was reminded of that wonderful couples group – Gulf Coast Couples – that I saw marching in the St. Pete Pride parade a few weeks ago.  Be sure to check out their pictures of the march, right there on their home page.  There you will see what those of us there live saw – many gay and lesbian couples marching down the street, with signs in their hands showing how many years they’d been together.

Click here to read Caroline and Venera’s story.

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Wallet Stolen? ID Theft? What to do?

@ 10:13 pm

I.M. – I recently had my wallet stolen and among the credit cards was my business credit card. For some time I have been thinking about getting identity theft protection and now will definitely be setting it up (better late than never, right!) However, would it cover my business cards/accounts as well?

Flustered in Florence

Dear Flustered,

First, I am sorry to hear your wallet was stolen and hope everything is getting back to normal. Identity theft is the fastest rising crime in America. There are many identity theft protection services out there and each one has different policies in regards to what is covered and what is not. You will want to ask the prospective companies what they offer that sets them apart from the competition. Some offer services after you have your ID stolen, and some offer services to both prevent and correct issues after ID theft.

Things to look for are:

1) credit monitoring – allows you to see all credit activity to monitor things like accounts open under your name in error, closed accounts still reflecting open, past due reports in error, etc.

2) credit alerts & freezes – in the event of ID theft, there should be a 24/7 number so the company can freeze all credit accounts & credit access with one phone call.

3) Public records monitoring – provides access to anyone who might be associated with your records.

4) Travel/Disaster document replacement – expedites replacement of documents travel so you can enjoy the rest of your vacation.

5) Expense/Loss Reimbursement – this reimburses things such as lost time at work, having to reapply for loans, attorney’s fees, and charges the credit card company refuses to waive.

The average person spends 175 hours to restore their lives after ID Theft. Regardless of what service you utilize to insure against this, it is imperative you also safeguard yourself from the loss in the first place. There are many tips, articles, and links provided at www.farmersidentityshield.com.

Hang tough – gay marriage is coming to all of America!

@ 3:20 pm

I know it’s been a tough week for equality, fairness and for gay Californians especially.  The rest of the country is looking on, and doing all it can to be supportive.  That includes me, here in Florida.

I posted to a lesbian relationship blog I read quite often earlier today.  The blog’s creator lamented her frustration with the California decision and suggested perhaps we should stop wanting marriage and accept civil unions.

That’s a ‘mental space’ I’ve fallen into as well, at times.  That’s just what those who thrive on denying people civil rights want us to do.  That’s where I was back last year when I invited Evan Wolfson, from Freedom to Marry, to Coach Sappho’s podcast.  I was feeling defeated about gay marriage and, it’s chances of ever becoming the law of the entire U.S.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s time committed lesbian couples gain equality with the IRS!

@ 5:38 pm

One of my ’single but dating one woman exclusively’ community members wrote me upset today as she is discovering what gay marriage activists have been squawking about for awhile now.  Yes, it’s true, I wrote, gay couples lose out financially in multiple ways when they can’t marry.  Even if a gay or lesbian couple is married in the five states where it is now legal or, signs on for those so-called domestic partnership benefits some local governments are allowing, it’s a ‘crumb’ compared to the whole loaf of bread straight couples receive.

I followed up on my community member’s request by locating one of the original papers written summarizing this inequality – Tax Implications for Gay Couples – by Goldberg and Badgett at the UCLA William’s Institute.  Another great piece that describes how these inequities play themselves out in the lives of real flesh and blood gay and lesbian couples is described here in an interesting NPR piece entitled ‘With the Gay Tax Love Doesn’t Come Cheap’.

As the author of the NPR piece eloquently states,

“The media’s primary focus on the morality debate around same-sex marriage means that most of the public, gay or straight, knows little about the very real economic costs of inequality. It doesn’t matter that Joan and I married in Massachusetts five years ago this week, or that our home state recognizes our marriage. It makes no difference that she works for a progressive company with an active LGBT employees group. Companies pay for their employees’ health insurance with pretax money through a federal program, and same-sex marriage isn’t federally recognized.”

What I find interesting about all of this is that, as gay and lesbian individuals start to value themselves and their relationships more, hearing facts like the above ‘hits home’ in ways they never have before.  Ten years ago, I know I didn’t yet comprehend the real financial ‘benefits’ I was being denied as a tax-paying, but devoted partner in a long term, committed relationship.  In my heart, I was as married as most of my married straight peers.

Ten years ago most of us didn’t much consider what we were being denied.  Now, we understand the impacts much, much more, particularly as we get older, grow old together and face more and more of the financial vulnerabilities of living and loving as committed couples, parents, families, etc.

Get educated.  Get angry.  Take constructive action.  While ten percent of gay and lesbian Americans can now legally wed their same sexed partner, even they still find their marriages invalidated federally.  We need to overturn nasty laws like DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and give 100% of gay and lesbian couples in America federal marriage benefits – now!

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

©2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

7 Good Reasons to Fire Your Adviser

@ 8:47 pm

1.  You Feel Like a Little Fish in a Big Pond

Ever gotten that feeling that your Adviser could care less whether you stay with him or her? The reason may be simple; your account is too small for them now. They may have treated you like royalty when you first became a client, but now they barely return your phone calls. This is a very common phenomenon and it’s happening more and more as firms continue to get consolidated.   
Currently there are many investment companies,  banks, and wealth management firms that are trying to divest themselves of small brokerage accounts (less than $3 million) by either centralizing many of the relationship management responsibilities or simply relinquishing the relationships. At $3 million, this is the point at which you as a client are perceived to be “profitable” to a large firm.
2. Your Adviser Has Limited or No CredentialsCredentials and degrees are not always a guarantee of professional competence, but they are a start. Just like you would be hesitant to go to a Doctor that does not have a Medical Degree you should be hesitant of a Financial Adviser that does not have the right credentials and experience.
What Should You Look For? The highest credential in the industry for a Financial Advisers is the CFP™ accreditation. What this credential says is that your Adviser has studied and passed comprehensive exams on issues such as investing, insurance, estate planning, retirement planning, taxes, and other pertinent issues relating to managing wealth. This is not an easy exam to pass. It can take as long as a full year to complete all modules and become accredited. A great thing about this credential is that the Adviser is not allowed to use the CFP™ mark even after they have passed the comprehensive exam if they do not have at least 3 years of experience.  In addition to this they also have to adhere to high ethical standards and meet continuing education requirement to keep the designation. Click here to see the full range of requirements.

So a CFP™ should be your minimum requirement. There are other designations out there such as CFA and ChFC. There is certainly no shortage of acronyms in this industry. What you have to remember is not to be intimidated by the arrangement of letters behind your Adviser’s name. Find out how easy or how hard it is to obtain these designations and what these mean to you. A rule of thumb is, If you can obtain the designation by passing an exam that only takes a week to study for it, you should discount it immediately. Otherwise you may end up with a salesperson, rather than a true Financial Adviser.

Aside from a CFP™ or other credential you should still do more due diligence.  Ask any new potential Adviser hard questions about the economy, their investment style, investment philosophy, IRA rules, tax rules, etc. If they can’t answer these types of questions, then it is likely that you are dealing with a salesperson that relies on the company brand   Don’t be a victim of financial malpractice. Make sure your Adviser is knowledgeable by doing your homework and becoming knowledgeable yourself, preferably before you hire someone.

3. You Simply Can’t Stand Your Adviser

This reason may be trivial to many, but it is more important than you think. Human interaction and personal chemistry is important. If you don’t feel comfortable communicating with your Adviser you are putting your money at risk. Your Adviser is supposed to serve as your guide through this ever changing financial maze, and they need to be able to understand your overall financial picture.  Equally as important, you need to be able to understand them.   If you can’t stand him or her you may be reluctant to share the details of your current financial situation which may put your money in jeopardy. Likewise, if they don’t like you, they may be less likely to provide you with the level of service and attention that you deserve.
This is a bad situation to be in and should not be taken lightly. It’s your money, find a competent Adviser with whom you can comfortably communicate with.  Top 5 reasons you may dislike your Adviser:

1.        You can’t understand what your Adviser is saying (it’s all Greek to me) and they don’t make the effort to help you understand.      
2.        Your Adviser speaks over your head (it’s on purpose so you don’t ask questions they can’t answer)
3.        When you ask a question, your Adviser dismisses it as if it were a stupid question
4.        If you don’t call him or her you never hear from them
5.        Your Adviser forgets that it’s your money not theirs

So what should you do? For starters look for a company that not only provides the services you are looking for, but is also happy to provide these services to clients with your portfolio size.  Go to NAPFA (National Associations of PersonalFinancial Advisers)and do a search for local and national Advisers. Ask the different companies what their average, largest and smallest account size is. This will give you an indication of where you would stand as a client.  Don’t tell them how much you have, as they may want to skew the numbers.

4. Your Portfolio is Made up of All Proprietary Products

Want to see a completely biased portfolio? Just look at one with all proprietary funds. It always amazes me that out of thousands of available mutual funds and exchange traded funds with low expenses, investors are still buying the idea that proprietary funds are better. If you have your brokerage account at Mickey Mouse and Company and all of your investments are Mickey Mouse Large Cap, Mickey Mouse Small Cap etc., I can assure you that you are paying more than you should.  Your Adviser may not tell you this but he or she is getting a commission by selling you these funds. Your overall portfolio could be costing you up to 2-3% per year, but they will tell you that there is no charge for the advice.  We should all know by now that nothing in life is free and no one works for free.  This is 2-3% that is coming right out of your returns.  
If your Adviser never bothered to tell you how much your overall portfolio would cost you, it’s simply dishonest.  You cannot build trust on dishonesty and hidden agendas.  

5.Your Portfolio Consistently Under Performs Its Appropriate Benchmark

Any investor knows that returns will vary from year to year and that this year is one of the worst years as far as performance is concerned.  So when it comes to performance, you have to remember that your Adviser is not a magician. Having said this, you should expect to meet certain benchmarks. If you are invested in all US Large Cap Stocks the appropriate benchmark is the S&P500. Now let’s say the S&P has returned -32% year-to-date, and your portfolio is well below this benchmark at say -40% year-to-date, then you are under performing the benchmark. If your Adviser consistently under performs the appropriate benchmark, year after year, you may want to reconsider the advice you are getting.
6.You Never Know Who Your Adviser is Because There is Considerable Turnover at the Company

If there was ever a time to consider firing your Adviser this would be the time. High employee turnover means the
following for you:

1. Bad service – The level of service if there was ever a level, will  become nonexistent. You have to retain your employees to create a culture of service. If you have high turnover who is going to do the training? Beware of the revolving door.

2. There is something seriously wrong with the company – Make no mistake, the employees that left the company know something you don’t.  All businesses go through changes but constant employee turnover is ared flag that there is something clearly wrong with the company or the management team.

3. Errors that will cost you money – Critical tasks related to your financial plan may be missed to your detriment. You have to build a history with your Adviser so that he or she can make informed recommendations. You will be basically starting from scratch with every new Adviser. Can you say missed or late distributions, account trading
or reporting errors…the list can go on. 

7.You Don’t Trust Your Adviser

The relationship you have with your Adviser should be one of mutual trust. Your Adviser should trust that you are providing him or her with all the details necessary to help you make better financial decisions, and you should trust that your Adviser has your best interest at heart. Once the trust is broken for any reason mentioned above, it’s extremely difficult to rebuild that trust again. It may just be time to say goodbye and start again. Hopefully you will take the lessons that you learned from your experience with you and avoid them with your next Adviser.